This May Be Garbage
Philippians 3:4b-14
Philippians 3:4b-14 (NRSV):
4bIf anyone else has reason to be confident in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, a member of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew born of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless.
7 Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ. 8 More than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law but one that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God based on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, 11 if somehow I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
12 Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal, but I press on to lay hold of that for which Christ has laid hold of me. 13 (Friends), I do not consider that I have laid hold of it, but one thing I have laid hold of: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal, toward the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.
Do you think that you and Paul, who wrote this, would be friends? Probably hard enough to maintain the friendships you have already, right? Your dance card is full?
Paul likely wrote at least seven of the New Testament epistles, including Philippians, though several more books are traditionally attributed to him. So his voice is all over the New Testament. And people are a bit divided on Paul, I’ve noticed. Some find his words to be empowering to women, some, oppressive. Some find his theology of the crucified and risen Christ inspiring, some find it regrettably downplays the life of Jesus. Some find Paul arrogant, some humble. What version of Paul are we getting here?
By presenting this text, I am not inviting you to adopt Paul’s theology or to find exact, one-to-one parallels in your life between each of the things Paul names as “losses” or “gains.” Instead, I invite you to consider the more universal story that transcends one faith tradition or one person in that faith tradition. The story of letting go of something not serving you well, and grabbing hold of something more worthwhile.
The basic structure of this text is something like: 1) here’s what I thought mattered; 2) here’s what matters to me, now; 3) I’ve got a long way to go. Whether you identify specifically with what Paul is releasing or now embracing, is his journey relatable?
Part 1: Here’s what I thought mattered. Paul remembers his younger self. That Paul had “gadgets and gizmos aplenty. He had whozits and whatzits galore. Thingamabobs? Paul had twenty! But who cares? No big deal!” Everybody! “I want more…( Lyrics from “Part of Your World,” The Little Mermaid)”
Paul thought it mattered that he’d done the right initiation ritual in the right way. That he belonged to the right group, and the right group within the right group. That he knew the law, inside and out. That he had passion, and fought for his beliefs against those he saw as threats. That he was not just an expert knower of the law, but a doer, exemplary in his careful following of those rules and regulations. Paul was on the right team, had all the right credentials, did all the right things.
But, it’s all “rubbish,” turns out. “Rubbish” is not a word I use, but we could also use the word—let me check my list of words I’ve forbidden myself to say from the pulpit…oh…hmm…well that would be handy but I probably can’t say that—I’ll just say “garbage,” which is how the NIV translates this word, anyway. It’s all garbage.
People use that word as slang today. That’s a garbage idea. That’s a garbage opinion. These things Paul recalls, he considers garbage pursuits. That doesn’t mean he’s totally dismissing them as potentially meaningful things, as if to demean his community or nation, scholars and teachers, or a law meant to help people find and protect the good. But it also doesn’t mean Paul should have used a nicer word than “garbage,” so as not to offend certain people, because…this is Paul’s experience, it’s Paul’s story.
When you look back, what do you recognize not just as unimportant, but a loss, a negative balance in your personal ledger, something detrimental, life-sucking, and soul-depleting? In Paul’s case, this isn’t just about his tastes changing. It’s lament for wasted time and energy. His grief is part of his process of straining forward.
Now when it comes to credentials and identity markers, I want to be careful, because celebrating these things can be…important. For example, it’s fine if you don’t want to call me Dr. Boswell…even though I have a PhD—(holds up degree)—because we strive to be inclusive and equitable around here about how we think about authority in this community, and because to many of you I’m just Matt, not Dr. Boswell.
But hypothetically, if someone who was, let’s say, not a straight white man, who also had to work extra hard and face extra obstacles to getting their PhD, particularly in a field dominated by straight white men, and who was a leader in this community and asked to be called “Dr.”...I really hope we wouldn’t tell them “oh, that’s not important here because we’re all equal and Quakers don’t do titles…it’s kind of our thing.” Friends should take care not to let our liberating message become a kind of fundamentalism, in different clothing, if that makes sense.
But if Doctor Whatever-Their-Name-Was had hard-won credentials, but clearly had not Love—which seems to matter to this community—I think we’d feel the consequences of that, and maybe feel sad, for them. I think that’s what Paul is pointing out here, and probably in response to others doing a similar kind of inventory of achievements. “Look” Paul might say, “we can talk about all the titles and awards and cool groups we belong to, but…is that really what matters, at the end of the day? If you’re honest, don’t you think there’s something more important than all of this…garbage?”
Part 2: Here’s what matters to me now. Imagine kids trying to impress each other. “Hey guys, look how high I can jump!” “Well, I’ve seen Jurassic Park 82 times!” “Well, my house has ten kitchens!” Childhood boasting is…forgivable..and may just come from a sincere desire to be known and cherished. When adults speak of their greatness, it sometimes irks us, right? Now if someone says, “hey everyone, I’ve met this personal goal, and I’m just so happy!” I think we say “that’s amazing! Wow! Thank you for sharing!” And we try not to let our frustration with ourselves for not meeting our own goals cause us to resent their successes. But if an adult tells us some variation of: “I’m kind of a big deal around here. Yeah. Pretty, pretty important.” Then we may wonder if something crucial is missing in their lives, no matter how many kitchens they have.
Now, there’s being cocky, but there’s also being too busy? It seems like all of this “stuff” would have kept Paul really busy. I know a lot of what keeps us busy does really matter, and that some of us feel we have no choice but to be busy. But maybe for others, trying to tackle everything, be everything, belong to everything is a kind of hubris, a failure to appreciate our limits. Paul’s journey forward involves letting go of what doesn’t deserve his time and attention, in favor of something more worthy of this time and attention.
Paul, as told elsewhere, has a mystical experience on the “road to Damascus” and has one of the more consequential “aha” moments in the Christian tradition. Paul finds a new path and goal: knowing Christ, gaining Christ, identification with Christ. His Damascus encounter with Christ begins to reshape his notions of righteousness. Paul wants the power of Christ’s resurrection and wants to share in his sufferings, not as an act of masochism, but of solidarity.
It’s as if Paul has whittled away a lot of added, even performative, burdens placed on him by others, and by himself. He has found the heart of the thing, the kernel, maybe what all those other things were meant to reveal and support, but weren’t. Now, caring so much about the group belonging, the knowledge, the passion, the rules, the moral perfection…it all seems like it wasn’t worth the blood, sweat, and tears.
What matters is THIS. Paul’s “this” is being in a partnership, a friendship, with Christ. Being identified not for his merits and excellencies but because he cares about the things Christ cared about. Having the power of the risen Christ, living now beyond his body in the presence of those who seek to carry on his work of radical Love, even if it means suffering for it, because it’s just that worth it to Paul.
What is your THIS? Or your THESE? Maybe it’s Christ, like Paul. Maybe it’s Love. Maybe it’s your kids or your partner. Maybe it’s your garden and general connection to the Earth. Maybe it’s being a reliable friend. Maybe it’s sleep. Maybe it’s making life a little easier for others. Maybe it’s giving yourself good things, after a lengthy time of being told that you don’t deserve good things. Maybe it’s many things, not just one thing. If you’ve realized that some things you thought mattered don’t, what have you discovered…does matter? How does your life, today, reveal what matters to you?
Part 3: I’ve got a long way to go. Paul has discovered what matters. And what matters is paradoxically now and not yet. Paul might have found a new goal, but living into that goal, acting upon his clarity, that’s the work ahead. Deconstruction doesn’t happen overnight. You can “deconstruct” your faith and leave behind, say, a fundamentalist community, but fail to shake some of those learned tendencies—sexism, subtle white supremacy, binary thinking, perfectionism, among other things. The journey is…a journey. Write that down, that’s good. The journey is a journey.
Paul also can’t undo the harm he has caused. But maybe he can minimize and reduce harm moving forward, or repairs harms done, in some cases, or even just put more goodness into the world, as he listens and responds to “the heavenly call of God,” which I assume means the call to love your neighbor, since that was Jesus’ primary call.
“Not that I’ve arrived.” Paul no longer celebrates his excellence, but recognizes himself as “on the way.” Which doesn’t mean you can’t speak and act boldly, until you’ve arrived, right? “I’m still learning” can become an excuse, right? At what point do we say, “I’m still figuring this out but I know enough to do something?” Had Paul waited until he were a finished product to speak up, he might not have said anything at all! Some of you who don’t care for Paul might be like “I would have been okay with that!”
But we don’t need perfection—from Paul, from others who can help us on the journey, or from ourselves. And sometimes, the sooner we admit we aren’t perfect, that we don’t have all the answers, that we do need help, the sooner we move forward in our journey, leaving perfectionism behind, leaving certainty behind, leaving self-sufficiency behind, straining forward.
Paul no longer boasts about arrival, but about being on the way, grasping for something he has not yet fully grasped. What “way” are you on? What did you used to think mattered that now feels like…loss…or…garbage? Where did you give your heart to something that now feels unimportant or unhealthy? Why did you give so much to that? What caused you to shift? What has emerged, in its place? Why is what feels sacred and important to you now, better? How do you keep straining forward and pressing on, knowing that growth takes time, that liberation is a slow unraveling and recreating, and that the journey is work, but worthwhile?
And, finally: how many times have you seen Jurassic Park?
Queries:
What pursuits and priorities have I left behind? Why did I need to let these go?
What pursuits and priorities have emerged? Why are these things important to me?
What sustains me as I press on? What keeps me going?