Let Peace Be Among Us
Hebrews 12:14-16
Hebrews 12:14-16 (NRSV):
14 Pursue peace with everyone and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble and through it many become defiled. 16 See to it that no one becomes an immoral and godless person, as Esau was, who sold his birthright for a single meal.
Happy World Quaker Day! World Quaker Day, hosted by FWCC, the Friends World Committee for Consultation, is about celebrating our connections with Friends around the world. So if you’re looking for homework—and I know you are—you might spend a few minutes online this week and learn something new about a Friends community in a different part of the country or world.
The theme for World Quaker Day this year is “Let Peace Be Among Us.” And this text is FWCC’s recommended scripture. Well, verse 14 is recommended, but I’ve included 15 and 16 because I think they bring out further dimensions of this theme. I mean, what brings peace…more than two or more people finding a third person—in this case, Esau—to dunk on? Nothing…brings people together…like scapegoating!
If we’re going to try to “let peace be among us,” then maybe we should try to define our terms. What…is…“peace”? And, maybe the tougher question: “do we want that?” We might feel like we should want that, but when you consider what “letting peace be among us” might entail, are we really up for that personal and collective work? Let’s start with nine varied definitions, some of which might resonate more than others.
“True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice.” (1)MLK.
Peace is “solving our differences through…dialogue (and) education.” (2) The Dalai Lama.
Peace is the denial of “all outward wars and strife and fightings with outward weapons.” (3) Early Friends.
Peace is “tranquility of order. Order is the distribution which allots things…each to its own place.” (4) St. Augustine.
Peace is “establishing a relationship with the energies surrounding (our) particular environment” and a “commitment to the harmony of our body/mind/spirit” and with “our local place and the community that occupies it.” (5) An anonymous indigenous voice.
“Peace is a never-ending process, the work of many decisions by many people in many countries. It is an attitude, a way of life, a way of solving problems and resolving conflicts.” (6) (Oscar Arias Sanchez, former Costa Rican president)
Peace is “the fruit of justice done especially to the Self.” (7)Alice Walker.
Here’s what some dude named August Stafford said on Threads last week: “Peace is…the refusal of total victory so that two peoples can survive one another.”
And from a semi-popular meme: “Inner peace begins with four words: not my (eff-ing) problem.”
Justice. Informed dialogue. No war, no weapons. Tranquility, right order. A process, a lifestyle. Harmony within, with others, with the land. Personal liberation. Compromise for mutual survival. Letting go. I think a common thread in the ways many define peace is a focus not on avoiding but navigating conflict. Conflict itself may not be an evil, or violent. Tension can be healthy. Disruption can be life-saving. Discord and disagreement can be illuminating, deepening our understanding of a situation, and ourselves.
I think that, as Friends, our conception of peace needs to be deep and discerning. For example: when nobody is yelling at each other because they’re avoiding the difficult questions or difficult people, that doesn’t indicate peace. When two warring individuals or groups or nations lay down their weapons, leaving one side in shambles and the other side as dominant as ever, that’s not peace.
When we think we feel harmony with each other because we’ve eradicated everyone who is different, that homogeneity is not harmony, and it’s not peace. When we’re trying to appeal to everyone and so become neutral in situations of oppression, that dangerous “non-stance” is not peace. When a leader or a small group of powerful people are the ones deciding whether there is peace, that’s propaganda, not peace. Whatever peace is—and I’m not really going to pick one definition today—I think it’s work. Even if we take this scripture seriously.
“Pursue peace with everyone”? So much for “let peace be among us,” as if peace will come if we simply stop resisting it. There might be some truth to that, but the author of Hebrews implies that you don’t passively wait for peace, you pursue it. That’s work!
Pursue “the holiness without which no one will see the Lord”? Or, in my own framework and language: “without growing into Love, the holiest of destinations, people won’t experience Divine Love, because God loves the world through us.” If we don’t learn Love, more deeply, widely, tenderly, and radically, then peace won’t come. But learning, rather than just coasting? That’s work!
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God”? This is not about saving souls. I think of God’s grace as “the gift of Divine Love, within and among us.” So make sure everyone encounters that Love, through the way you show up for others, through the world you are helping create, through giving people what they need, since food when you’re hungry, or ceasefire when you’re in a warzone, can feel like grace. That’s work!
See to it “that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble.” People aren’t born bitter, they learn it, right? And just as you can nurture seeds of peace, you can nurture bitterness. But to address conflicts promptly, to explore your big feelings fully, to clarify misunderstandings before they grow into something difficult to uproot, damaging your relationships and communities, even making you a source of harm? That’s work!
“See to it that no one becomes an immoral and godless person, as Esau was, who sold his birthright for a single meal. Esau, what a clown. Or…just a really hungry person, who made the choice he needed to make to survive? The author of Hebrews is harsh on Esau, but that’s kind of the binary nature of the Esau-Jacob tradition, so…whatever.
What I’m struck by here is the pressure! “Make sure no one becomes an immoral and godless person?” How can you take responsibility for other people in that way? That’s a recipe for sorrow and burnout, among other things. On the other hand…I kind of think that is part of the Quaker mission in the world: not just to recognize that of God in the other and therefore not kill them—which is a good thing!—but to also help each other recognize those seeds of Love in each of us, and, together, grow that Love within.
We know what it looks like when a person ignores that Love within, because you can think of people in your life or world who seem to have done so. But Divine Love is our birthright, it’s the fundamental grace we’re given from the beginning. How do we see to it that people don’t sell that enduring birthright of Love for whatever fleeting things entice people to neglect Love, harming themselves and others?
However we do it, peace takes work. But isn’t that kind of natural? People work all day or week, and then rest. People toil throughout life, then rest…in peace. People climb a mountain, which takes work, and at the summit, find peace. Friends and family do the hard work of communication, reconciliation, and…sometimes…find peace. So if peace is work—and if the work is worthwhile—what is the work?
Maybe it starts with personal habits. Curiosity, which expands our understanding? Courage, which helps us face uncomfortable but needed conversations and uncomfortable but urgent situations? Empathy, which can humanize people and their struggles and often clarify the context that gives rise to their situation? Self-awareness, to recognize the impact we have, the space we take up, the way our well-intentioned efforts might not be doing the good we intend? Gentleness, toward ourselves and others, because perfection isn’t a prerequisite for the work of peacemaking? Maybe cultivating habits like those are part of the work of peace.
Or, maybe we start with an appraisal of the communities and systems we’re part of. Edwin Friedman, a Jewish rabbi, wrote a book I read in seminary called “A Failure of Nerve” about leadership through the lens of family systems theory, which tries to understand people’s behavior not as isolated individuals but as connected beings whose actions arise in response to other people or problems within the system.
Friedman identifies five characteristics of unhealthy emotional systems: reactivity, where people react to others’ reactions, rather than maintaining a steady, grounded presence through distressing situations; a herding instinct, where people expend a disproportionate amount of energy trying to appease the most distressed members of a group, which can hold back the group; blame displacement, where people never take responsibility and only sees themselves as victims; a quick-fix mentality, where people act primarily to relieve their discomfort as quickly as possible, rather than waiting long enough for robust and needed change to happen; and poorly defined leadership, where it’s either not clear who should be making decisions, or it is clear, but those decision-makers aren’t willing to make bold choices, for fear of displeasing others (Friedman, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix.).
That might be a lot to process, so let me connect those five marks of unhealthy systems—reactivity, herding instinct, blame displacement, a quick-fix mentality, poorly defined leadership—to the pursuit of peace. When you think about personal peace, peace in your relationships, peace in small communities you are a part of, or peace in places of large-scale conflict in our world, how is peace undermined or prevented because of: reactivity rather than steady presence; excessive weight given to demanding people; blaming rather than responsibility-taking; quick fixes rather than slow but substantial change; and poor or undefined leadership? Even really wonderful people, in an unhealthy system, can undermine peace.
So, personal habits, systems analysis. Another place to start might be our tried and true Quaker practices. How does silence open the door to peace? How does discernment help us more fully grasp the forces at work and help us find a peaceful way forward? How does practicing equality or justice in our own life together and advocating for a more just and equitable world lead to peace? How can creative nonviolence, rather than reactive violence, lead us toward true, lasting peace? How do simplicity and stewardship, whether in our purchasing choices or in how we manage our resources, enable our participation in the work of peace? We’re Quakers who sing! How do our songs help sustain the work of peace?
Finally, maybe we look to those doing the work of peace already, and say “how can I help?” Where are individuals in your life finding peace elusive? How can you come alongside them in their work of finding peace? Where are organizations doing peacemaking work in areas that matter to you? How can you participate, not as hero or savior but as apprentice and ally? An election looms. How is your vote part of the work of peace, and beyond the election, your continued holy pressure on those with elected power to “let peace be among us”?
How many of you play tennis? How many of you play pickleball? Hmm. Pickleballers.
I like to play tennis with my friend Brad a couple times a month. Jo and I play, too, occasionally. We live right around the corner from a tennis court, so in theory it’s easy to play. But about three years ago that became much harder, for two reasons: pickleball suddenly became super popular, and the pickleball courts at Hathaway Park were temporarily closed. So our court at Crown Park was suddenly very populated.
Now, I respect the idea of pickleball. It’s arguably a more inclusive and accessible sport than tennis. But this infusion of pickleballers, made it harder for me to play my game.
Well, the city responded, and came up with a…two-sport solution: a schedule. At certain times of the day, on certain days, you can count on the court being available to you as a pickleballer or a tennis player, or at least priority being yours.
So if the courts are empty during pickleball priority, I can play tennis, but if I’m being a good boy and honoring the arrangement, and I see pickleballers arrive, it’s appropriate for me to say “oh hey, we’re happy to wrap up, we know it’s pickleball priority…all yours.” You know, make sure the new folks are neither agitated nor put in an awkward position of having to fight for their right to play. But it is often awkward, because people sometimes don’t honor the code! Or they make you feel weird about it.
There are many times where we’ve shown up to play tennis during tennis priority and rather than a pickleballer offering us the court, in the way I just modeled for you, I’ve had to ask for it in as warm and non-rude of a way as possible: “hey, could we please have this court?” as I hold up my tennis racket. Sometimes people accommodate, and sometimes I get some form of “oh, we’re just gonna play for a little while, if that’s cool.” No it’s not cool! So I respond with something like: “mmm…yeah…it’s just that it’s tennis priority right now, I could double-check the posted schedule right there, but…”
Sometimes you have to remind people of the peaceful terms we’ve agreed to, or had imposed on us by a governing body. Sometimes they honor it. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes people can be jerks. One time I was playing tennis with Brad on one of the two courts, and two young women were playing pickleball on the other. A man in his 60s arrived and started chewing these women out for being there at the “wrong time.”
I quickly intervened and asked the guy “hey are you waiting for a friend?” He said “yes” and so I said “well why don’t you let these folks play until he gets here?” He clearly didn’t like that because even though they had the right to be there until bumped, he was clearly carrying some baggage around the whole tennis-pickleball war and just angry at the sight of pickleballers. It wouldn’t have even mattered if we’d offered him our court, just to ease the tension. The man then went on a rant about being in this neighborhood for x number of years, and told these women, very aggressively, that they needed to go.
So, I got a little closer to the man, put my body between him and the women, and said “sir, you are being really unreasonable right now. Just let them play until your friend gets here.” He backed off and started muttering to himself, but it was too late because by that time the women were like “thank you so much, but we’re just gonna go.” The man successfully bullied them off the court! And not only that, Brad and I were there long enough to know that his friend never even showed up!
Queries:
What is peace?
How can we "pursue peace” or “let peace be among us”?
Where am I feeling called to participate in the work of peace?